My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
