I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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