its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
