You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
