Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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