you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
