birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
