Quick, to the slutcave!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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