I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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