I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
