You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
