Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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