He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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