i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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