so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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