The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize