I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
