I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
