I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
