just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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