when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
