the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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