It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
