Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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