Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
