Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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