yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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