I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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