Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
they need to just BURY HIM!
this just has baby written all over it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
