i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
