I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
