so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
