I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
