i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Drake has all the answers
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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