it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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