I feel like abortions should bother me more
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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