one two three fourrrrnication!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
