I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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