hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
