Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
