finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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