it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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