last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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