dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
