are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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