Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
