I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
