Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
