he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
