he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
