I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
