I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
