They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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