If that was your dad, he is hot
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
