So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
