I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
porn star boner night. come get it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
