i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
