My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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