Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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