oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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