So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
