dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
