I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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