i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
