I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
