My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
