i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
