im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
