Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
