these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
