I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
