What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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