I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
