We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
