wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
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He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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