FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
