I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize