OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
