About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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