TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
