You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
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i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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