I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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