Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
