I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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