question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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