Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
