Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
