imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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