woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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